Things have gone out of my control lately and hate these!
1. I never think that life without CCA would be this boring. simply dont have motivation to study...being idle for quite some times can turn off your motivation to do everything T_T, everyday just want to lazying around...very2 unproductive. I even dont care anymore about assignments and all
2. Realizing that all people targeting banking jobs are more qualified than me sigh...how should I compete with them how should I? Not that I feel inferior, but the fact that this year I'm letting go my chance of interning in FO of bulge brackets for NOC left me wondering whether this is a better choice...especially when the market has just rebounded and all jobs openings are mushrooming now...
3. And on top of those things, I cant find any corporate finance related start-ups in Stockholm....should I just give up and end up in some IT start-ups?...My biggest fear now is that I'll just travel miles miles away to Sweden just to do another programming task....zzz...really2 not worth it if that's the case. My true purpose is to improve my soft skills, widen my networks and improve my CV...then if I'm just spending the whole year sitting in fron of computer doing programming, what would be the point? shit..very afraid thinking of that possibility...
and another consequence of being idle and unproductive, my mind keep wandering around and without I realize I keep thinking about him. reading a lot of relationship articles and stuff, memorizing past moments etc...how come I could be that melancholic..come to think of it, it's just not me and I hope it will never be part of myself. but I know people change, him, me, everyone else etc. so there's no point hoping we could go back to the past. let him do whatever he wants, just never turn up in front of me again because I know I would keep remembering the pasts if I meet him...
another thing...I hate fake people who pretend to care about something just because everybody cares about it. Damn fake. Yes I know I'm selfish, I'm very selfish just because I mind my own business. At least I admit that I dont give a shit to other people's business unless they're somewhat special in my life.
Do people change or is it just me looking for totally different angle?
1. I never think that life without CCA would be this boring. simply dont have motivation to study...being idle for quite some times can turn off your motivation to do everything T_T, everyday just want to lazying around...very2 unproductive. I even dont care anymore about assignments and all
2. Realizing that all people targeting banking jobs are more qualified than me sigh...how should I compete with them how should I? Not that I feel inferior, but the fact that this year I'm letting go my chance of interning in FO of bulge brackets for NOC left me wondering whether this is a better choice...especially when the market has just rebounded and all jobs openings are mushrooming now...
3. And on top of those things, I cant find any corporate finance related start-ups in Stockholm....should I just give up and end up in some IT start-ups?...My biggest fear now is that I'll just travel miles miles away to Sweden just to do another programming task....zzz...really2 not worth it if that's the case. My true purpose is to improve my soft skills, widen my networks and improve my CV...then if I'm just spending the whole year sitting in fron of computer doing programming, what would be the point? shit..very afraid thinking of that possibility...
and another consequence of being idle and unproductive, my mind keep wandering around and without I realize I keep thinking about him. reading a lot of relationship articles and stuff, memorizing past moments etc...how come I could be that melancholic..come to think of it, it's just not me and I hope it will never be part of myself. but I know people change, him, me, everyone else etc. so there's no point hoping we could go back to the past. let him do whatever he wants, just never turn up in front of me again because I know I would keep remembering the pasts if I meet him...
another thing...I hate fake people who pretend to care about something just because everybody cares about it. Damn fake. Yes I know I'm selfish, I'm very selfish just because I mind my own business. At least I admit that I dont give a shit to other people's business unless they're somewhat special in my life.
Do people change or is it just me looking for totally different angle?
1 comments:
Rejeki Parningotan said...
Amin