Winteru no Kokoro

finally last day at CS..
less than one hour will have presentation...dunno why I'm so nervous. maybe bcoz I'm presenting to Angmohs who have perfect English..

Rabbi syahrill sodri wayasirli amri, wahluudatam ilisani yaf qaqauli...
"Ya Allah, lancarkanlah urusanku dan hilangkanlah kekakuan dari lidahku, agar mereka mengerti perkataanku. Amin"

After this presentation, I'll be damn relieved.........but it's 2 hour later...........now I'm damn nervous damn nervous...actually it's just normal presentation and nothing to be feared about. But just that....I dunno why I'm so scaredddd

I'll just leave this blog open, until I fnish my presentation. And see how it goes

OK. I'm counting down...now it's 9.24....means like abt 40 mins later it's gonna start...and the presentation itself will last around 20 mins, less Q&A session and other delay....so abt 1.5hr later I'll be freeeeeee. Then have to arrange my speech for afternoon presentation as well

Ok...I have just finished my presentation. Dunno why, but I'm so satisfied with it. Hoaaaa...seriously...dunno why but I really appreciate Mike, Tony, Forrest and Patrick for the moments. Seriously when I'm writing this, my eyes are tearing...thinking that after this I may not get a chance to see them again T_T

CS and ORQ are the perfect combination for my summer....
wish I could still be here a little longerrr...longerr....longerr.....
a lot of handsome people (and directors), great view from the building, sort of expat life (mainly coz my managers are all caucasians, lunch with them, follow their lifestyle lol). Seriously I'll not forget this moment. How I spent night at ORQ doing some sort of OT-ing. You got to know how does that feel. Very quiet. Very peaceful. and very relaxing.

And I'm sure that I'm gonna miss a lot of thing from this thing called short corporate life. Will miss the special scent of ORQ building. Will miss those Spinelli coffee in the morning. Will miss those Subway cookies as dinner. Will miss ORQ at night. Will miss taking 10 bus in the morning. Will miss wearing cool office attire (yes, I love my office attires lol). Will miss this computer and desk (I sit near the window which has great view of Raffles Place). and certainly will miss those Angmohs that I spent most of time with :)

Lalala~ I'm so relieved now. relieved and dont care what will happen later.

I got like 2 hours to spend before leaving for ORL. 30 mins bfore leaving for final presentation T_T *I'm still counting down to something coz practically I got no work left today..so for the last 30 minutes in this desk, I'll just crap around.

So sad that I cant meet Eddi again. He's on night shift, and only come after 3 while I'll be leaving at 2. Last night will be the last time I saw him during this internship program. But hopefully it won't take long time before I see him again (at least I could go ORQ for dinner or sth haha)

I've been waiting for this time (last day) when I was in the first few weeks of internship. But now when the time comes, I got mixed feeling. Relieved and happy since I got no responsibilities anymore. But at the same time, sad, because I'm already getting used to this life. I like working at Raffles Place, @ORQ specially, where you got the feeling of elitism :) haha, I know that I may sound quite arrogant, but it certainly how I felt.

Btw, I haven't prepared for my afternoon presentation. I'm just too worried about the morning's presentation. But since I got only 1 slide to present. I think it's OK. I've finished my Spinelli, gotta buy one more downstairs later. And I'm thinking to join fitness first. Just to be back to here again (and perhaps meeting him, I know he is gyming after work all this time )...haha i sound very obssessed with ORQ.

Hm...this is the really last night.

What makes me scared is tomorrow. Got to present a proper presentation for my bosses...
Huaaa...if only I got nothing tomorrow...will be much better, but then if anything goes wrong, I only have to face Mike for another 2 hours

OMG. It's really sad and frustrating at same time...

Maybe it's the last time I post from Credit Suisse computer. This friday, which is the day after tomorrow, my summer internship will end. I know for sure that I'll miss time like this.

Quiet night time at ORQ. I feel very peaceful.
I don't know how long it'll take until I could get the same feeling as this again. The city life. Feeling of a life of banker. Feeling of businesswoman.

That's why I often take overtime hours though I have finished my work portion of the day. Easting Subway while watching sunset at marina barrage, slurping Spinelli coffee to stay focused.

I know I'll miss these things. I'll miss the good-looking guys in my row. Miss Mike's "cheers" tone when he's answering call. Miss the treat at Harry's. Miss this temporary 'expat' life. Miss Brandon. Miss the intern fellows. Miss emailing and calling people all across Asia. Miss travelling time to time between ORQ and ORL (not mising Changi though). Will miss those great people that I met during this internship.

Really, it is the best summer I've ever had. Got the fun, as well as the experiences. Got the money, prestige and eye-opener moments. Discovered my real passion.

I know when I leave this company, I might not have a chance to meet all those guys anymore. Mike's going to London this Sep. Patrick's going to UK as well for holiday. Chen Hao's going Canada. And the rest will continue their lives, and I'm losing contacts with them.

I really like ORQ@nite. When most people have already gone home, leaving the office empty. I feel very worried, fear that I might not have a chance to feel the same situation anymore.

*oops the cute guy sit near me just go back to the office, lose focus for a while*

I just want to feel this a little longer. Before I leave CS and not have access anymore. Though I'm scared of the presentations on Friday, though I know I have to do something for my CCAs, but I just want to feel this feeling a little longer....

My last chance is tomorrow. Tomorrow is the very last night I could spend in ORQ, before returning my pass to the security officers.

I only hope that someday in near future. I could be back to here and feeling much better than now. Older and wiser. Richer and get better position.

Ah...I'm feeling very emo. Seriously, if I could pick one best moment during my internship, it'd be this one, followed by my meeting with Brandon lol.

Dunno what to say anymore~~ Soon I will miss ORQ for sure

Melancholy mode : on.

I don't know why suddenly I miss him so much. Maybe because of some people who really annoyed me last night. I just realize, though it might be not true, that I feel much better when I'm with him, be it at the meeting or anywhere else. Feeling that he will always back me up.

I know that I can't articulate my ideas well (something that I super hate from myself), but I wonder how he always comes up with similar ideas, just that he's better in conveying them.

I feel like nobody hears me. Just miss him. I'm not saying that he has feeling for me or I have one for him, just that it's myself that feels much better with him around, knowing that someone totally listen what I have to say.

I know it isn't good. Because more and more I depend on him, I know I'll have to break my principal one day.

Melancholy mode : off.

Like the hell I care about opinion of such losers. What on earth have they achieved? Not rich, not handsome, not a child of prominent people, not score well, insensitive about woman, seriously take everything, just big-heads.

I don't like losers. They're just opposite of Brandon Edwards (simply super handsome, rich (IB dir in CS), clever (double degree biz-law) but unfortunately, not single T_T)

After reading Xiaxue's blog, http://xiaxue.blogspot.com/2003/05/today-i-am-gonna-write-abt-all-molest.html, about molesting, I just thought that I should blog about it also. haha.

Although I have never experienced such extreme case like her (and some other readers) but I often get this kind of DISGUSTING looks from DISGUSTING MEN. I repeat, I never get molested physically and I wish I won't! But sometimes I got this another form of harrasment which is visual molestation. You know, the perverted look that you can guess what he's thinking about you. Yucks!

I always wonder why men are designed like that, why they have to relate everything to sex, I really can't understand that part. And why some men assume that I will EVER think the same way. Come on, just because we exchange looks, WHICH IS ALWAYS COINCIDENTALLY (argh, why my eyes keeps wondering around wherever I am, always look around etc that'w why I often exchange looks with strangers, must be genetics I guess) it doesn't mean that I have special feeling for you. Yucks! Just thinking that they're thinking about me is kinda giving me some disgust.

Not to mention those OB (orang bangla), but one cleaning service in my office. OMG! Yucks yucks yucks! The only terrible thing of my fantastic internship experience will be this yucks yucks. Actually I'm sitting near all those good looking guys (3 angmohs and 1 hot filipino guy haha) but this cleaner often show up in my floor and always look at me. I know he purposely wandering around my desk to destroy my concentration, going here and there with chin up like he's CEO, taking longer time when he's cleaning my bin and talk to the hot guys sitting near me just to be around my desk (like i wish that?! come on dont spoil my best moment with the hotties!).

I'm just trying to be honest here. Frankly speaking, he's short, not good looking, not hot at all, not rich and not lucky also I guess (if not maybe he can pursue higher education). And some more I got my serious crush already so (I really want to avoid talking about social class here) there's no way I could (or INTEND) give him second look. I wish I can show him my together-moment with my crush so that he get to big picture of everything haha. So please stop spoil the best moments of my summer period. ORQ is really the best place to work at, just that maybe they need to teach the cleaners NOT TRY to flirt with interns. Yucks. OK, I just waste my time writing about it here.

For other these kind of disgusting looks from strangers, I sometimes find it in public transportation like bus or mrt. I always avoid MRT wherever possible (since I can save money also) cause I just hate crowded places, but I have to take bus to go everywhere of course.

Come to think about it, since I live near science park, there are some bus services that I use to take : 10, 30, 51, 143 and 188. I always prefer 10 than the rest because I find its passengers are in the sense "cleaner". Service 10 starts from Kent Ridge terminal and go along Pasir Panjang Road (around 10 busstops from my place). So usually, when I get in they're only "clean" people there (as KR is still considered NUS and pasir panjang neigborhood is quite an elite one, and they will mostly go to CBD which is quite an elite workplace itself). I rarely find any OB or some perverted uncle there (thanks God that I need to take only bus 10 to my office now).

In contrast, I try to avoid services 30, 51 and 143, especially 30. This service starts from Boonlay which is err......not so clean perhaps? and go through Jurong East there where the last time I go there, I found a lot of OB there. Service 51 and 143 also starts from Jurong East. Why I avoid these services? Because usually there'll be a lot of people inside the bus already before I get in and not rarely I found some potential-to-be-visual-molesters there. So rather than having uncomfortable 30-50 mins bus rides, struggling to avoid those nasty looks, wait for other services is better I guess.

So in general I try to avoid place like Jurong East, Boonlay cause a lot of OB hanging around there. Not that I'm racist. Just that it's common perception in Singapore that they always have these perverted thoughts and keep trying to molest girls in every chance. Just disgusting.

Why men cant think like women? We may be quite emotional sometimes or overwhelmed by feelings, but we NEVER imagine having sex or some other perverted thoughts to strangers! Now that I'm mature enough (17) I start to understand why my friends (which is older) thought that I'm weird when I told them that boyfriends are only the 'special' ones that we ask to accompany us to shopping malls, cinemas etc. Now I know that they wouldn't think the same way to us. I just 'learn' this kind of thing recently--after too much reading of some blogs lol

Advice for some guys. So guys, get real! Some women will never be yours so just forget her!