Winteru no Kokoro

a guy just confessed to me yesterday
i didn't give him answer. instead i cried, because all that i remembered is you and how i wish it was you

Tell me people, how could I beat master students from European top business school, majoring in Finance/Econs to get a top private equity job in Nordic?

It's indeed a greatest opportunity for me here in Stockholm, but the challenges are super big. I know my chance getting in is super slim. I'm bachelor, not in finance, much more inexperienced.

Therefore I want to make a nazar. I'll fast for 2 weeks should I get this offer. Amin.

Bismillah....

Been thinking about my personal motto a lot and this one really stick to me...since dunno when.

"I may be ignorant but I am no hypocrite"

Well, ignorant in the sense that I don't give a damn about things that do not interest me. Like, global warming, carbon footprint etc. Well yeah I know that it's really needed for sustainable future bla bla bla, but I just can't bring myself caring about those, even though everybody talking about it.

And as far as I knew I am no hypocrite. Sometimes people say that whatever emotion I have, it'll be shown right in my face haha, so how could I be hypocrite lolz? and hypocrite just doesnt match with my horoscope, Sagitarius (doh, what a bad reasoning).

Yeah anyway..i'm no hypocrite. if u think otherwise, write comment! haha

Typical question for late teenagers, isn't it? But lately it keeps bugging me, you know, the period when you really think what you should do and what you wanna do in the future.

I'm 18, only 18 or already 18? OK, actually whenever I talk to people they never expect me to be 18, which is great I guess, since that means I'm more mature than normal 18 haha.

I don't know who I wanna be in the future, though I might have some vague picture. I know I wanna be businesswoman, the REAL businesswoman, not just a worker working 9-6 with standard salary with routine and boring tasks. For now I wanna be either investment banker, or entrepreneur. Those 2 seems contradict to each other, one is slave, working 100 hours/week and the other is the "boss" in its own right. My long term goal is to be the latter for sure, but in the early years of my career, 5-10 years, I believe IB would be a perfect choice.

I don't deny that I am running for IB because of its reputation. It's hard to break into, work damn looong hours etc etc. But hey, I always love challenges. And I know I want to work there. Not because of money (its hourly salary actually pays less than McD) but because of the networks that you could get there. OK, what job that allows you, since your first year, at the bottom of corporate ladder, to meet CEOs, BODs or any other executive management of big companies, handle their main decisions? IB. or consultant, fine. Networks of great businessmen, exposed at the early years of your career, wouldn't hurt I guess :)

And what's more is its own reputation. There are 3 kind of jobs based on my opinion for college graduate. IB, normal average Joe, entrepreneur. First one, work super long hours, life only for working, making really big bucks. Second one, earn average, always waiting for weekend, normal life. Entrepreneur is too wide to be generalized...but u know, u get it.

What I know for sure, I don't wanna be average Joe. Well, I know their work-life balance is better than the rest (entrepreneur cant even differentiate private vs work), but hey, screw work-life balance. In this world if you wanna achieve something, you have to sacrifice. And in order to achieve my success, I dont care abt work-life balance.

Come to think of it. In this world, I hate to be average. At least in my circle of friends, I always try to be different from them, because what I fear most is not becoming the worst, but becoming the same as the rest, you know, becoming the average. That's why in Sweden, when I heard that the high-achiever students are not getting anything, in fact they have to "wait" for the rest to catch up with them, I really hate it. What's being lagom thing?? Lagom means "not too much, not to less" or in other word, average. Swedish people in general love to be average.Well yeah, with socialist government for decades you cant blame them. But yeah, I just dont like it.

Come back to my problem...yeah, I just hate to be "the middle class". Well in Indo there's no real middle class I guess. Only super rich, a bit rich, a bit poor, super poor. And if you're working 9-6 with Indo salary, I'm sorry, but in my opinion you belong to the third category. This is for non-management position of course. The only occupation that can make you filthy rich in Indo is entrepreneur, provided you don't earn expat salary. What did I say again? Yeah no middle class.

I think I write enough, yeah. so that would be it.

Looking forward to Cote d'Azur and Spain!

OMG, I've been tooo slack with my start-up recently.
Have really start to talk to people, do more networking to get funding and more feedbacks.

Will meet with an outsourcing company next week who's potentially will build our product. Or if that fails, then I have no choice but to use freelancer. July is just too long and I might have lose my motivation by then.

SO my target...by summer, our product prototype must have been out already. then in August. start marketing crazizly!

Just booked tickets for my summer trip June-July.
Here's the first itinerary

24 June : 9pm, fly to London
25-26 June : London : Wimbledon, Financial district, London summer sale
27 June : 6am, fly to Pisa, transfer to Florence, Florence sightseeing, go to Viareggio at night
28-30 June : Viareggio, entrepreneurship conference
1 Apr : transfer to Pisa, Pisa sightseeing, fly to Amsterdam 2pm, Amsterdam sighseeing
2-3 Apr : Amsterdam sightseeing with Alda
4 Apr : Amsterdam sightseeing, 9pm fly to Nice
5-7 Apr : Nice, Monaco, Cannes
8 Apr : 8am, fly to Paris, Paris shopping
9 Apr :4pm, fly to Ibiza, Ibiza sightseeing
10-11 Apr : Ibiza party
...
...
after Ibiza, actually I plan to go to Madrid, Pamplona and Barcelona. lets see whether I still have the funds and energy to do so or not, if not then just go back to Stockholm, rest a bit then fly again :)

While I'm in Europe, I wanna do these:
1. See Bull Race festival in Pamplona
2. Partying at Ibiza
3. Watch tennis grand slam, either in Paris (French Open) or London (Wimbledon)
4. Going for termal spa in Budapest
5. Skiing in Swiss Alps
6. Snorkeling or jet-skiing in Gibraltar
7. Iceland hot springs (but considering the ash...hmmm)
8. Try Monaco casino
9. Participate in La Tomatina festival in Valencia
10. Enjoy Paris summer sale!
11. Go to Europe top financial district : London, Frankfurt and Zurich (paris done)
12. Island hopping in Greece
13. Kayaking in Elafiti Islands, near Dubrovnik, Croatia
14. Bungee jumping at Europabrücke Bridge, Austria
15. Skydiving (anywhere in Europe)

And exotic places to visit:
1. Morocco (though it's not europe, but no visa required there :)
2. Canary Island (more beaches)
3. Sarajevo (wanna know how ppl there, after the wars)
4. Malta (real Mediterranean country!)

And of course, the "must-visit" places to prove you've been in Europe, which are more boring and tourisy..
1. Berlin
2. Copenhagen
3. Brussels
4. Prague
5. Hamburg
6. Munich
7. Amsterdam

will update again

i miss him so much

wherever i go i always wish he was there too
i'm idiot
i hate this side of me
if only those never happened..

I have one goal.

But there are 2 common ways to get there.

One is easy to enter but hard to go on. It is exciting but not guarantee achievements. Many give up, many more never make it to the end. Hard work and extreme luck are the key of success.

Another is extremely hard to enter. Some people may find it boring, some people desperately try anything to get there. Hard work is definitely required, but the results may be guaranteed.

Which road should I take? I'm so confused now. Previously I've made my mind for the second road. But because of the exposure that I have now, which seems to push me to the first road, I'm confused again.

April has been a crazy month for me. A lot of things going on, everything's going very fast and no more boredom :D

Feels like learning a lot this month. Now I'm finally relieved that myself being in Stockholm worth the time.

1. April starts off with Easter trip in which a great dosage of fun and unique experiences involved haha.
2. Some dinner meetings with Johannes and Maisy for cca projects.
3. Another ski trip with Carmen haha. I dont feel like improving my techniques though, just that I can go 10 mins faster down the slope. Anyway ski is super fun!
4. Planning class starts, so every Monday and Wednesday at least I have something to do haha
5. Rediscover my passion for movie haha. Been watching 3 movies this month : clash of titans, remember me, ghost writer
6. Electronic exhibition with InView. first time representing the company. quite boring though
7. Traders trophy..went to final, but didnt win. But met some great student traders though and lunched with Oxyor CEO (ok, i didnt know he was the CEO that time, only after he gave namecard...)
8. STOCKHOLM STARTUP WEEKEND. been the greatest startup events that I went to. basically it's like 54hours business camp. In 54 hours we need to come up with business plan and product prototype. Met tons of great people here, from developer, investors etc etc.
My team idea (Annika and me) is a site called EventGoerz. We didnt get first place, but we managed to get a chance to pitch in Startup day :D
9. yeah from no.8, now i have another focus. been busy this week thinking whether we should really continue building this company or not. been planning a lot of stuff, brainstorming a lot
10. yeah of course in the most unwanted moment my work at InView get busier as well..why dont they make me this busy one month ago where I have nothing else to work on except travel plan?
11. get in touch with him again, after sooo looonggg...just lift my mood up for the whole day today :D
11. just went back from StartUp Day. been really great day. Made lots of contacts, talked to lots of people abt our idea and how we can improve it and so on. Networking feels much different if you have concrete idea on what you need and what you gonna do. I mean, in networking events before this, I was just there for the sake of being there and getting new contacts. But now you have totally different feeling cause somewhat you know why you're there! and also good thing is you can explain that you're doing something other than "oh, i'm exchange student from singapore, but i'm also interning with bla bla bla". conversation will evolve from there :D

yeah in conclusion i love this month. i like its fast pace, things keep changing and improving and getting more exciting.

biggest issue is whether I should continue working on EventGoerz, the startup that I co-founded, or not. I mean i dont think it's gonna work personally...not because of the idea is bad, just because Annika and me have totally different working styles. she's too slack from my view haha, but she has good contacts though...afterall she's been in sweden for years.

but if we keep this up, in the process I'm sure I'll learn a lot (it's just like totally applying what i learnt in class to real life...one word...amazing!), gain lots of first-hand experiences and make lots of contacts. It's gonna be a very good experience and I have nothing to lose anyway. most importantly, it's gonna be fun!

april hasnt ended yet. and next week gonna be crazier if everything's in my agenda comes true.
1. going to venture cup final
2. fnishing up planning assignment
3. going to excitera innovation challenge final
4. attend globe forum, biggest innovation conference...u know...more and more interesting ppl coming
5. dinner+party with best...been a long time i wanna go cafe opera!
6. ROME!

hopefully everything goes as planned :D
i like it when everything's going very fast...like 24 hours is not enough for u...been quite sometime i didnt feel that way, but now yeah...it's here again :D
really need to learn and learn more things here.

OK, not a lot of work, keep blogging.
Have been taking different personality tests, but the result mainly either ENTP/ENFP/ESTP. Will comment shortly

Results:
ENTP - Extraverted iNtuitive Thinking Perceiving

risk taker : yeah kind of, the thing that i hate most is boredom. risk is much better
easy going, outgoing, social : sometimes, depends on mood. but most of the time thats the case i guess
open : haha not at all. only a few ppl know what i'm really feeling
rule breaker, thrill seeker : haha SO ME!
life of the party : not really
comfortable in unfamiliar situations : yeah kind of. manage to settle and adapt everywhere
appreciates strangeness : yeah, for fun...not for serious stuff
disorganized : yeah, my room is in a mess everytime
adventurous : YEAH!
talented at presentation : NO! i'm lousy at pres seriously
aggressive : i think so
attention seeking : yeah most of the time
experience junky, insensitive : maybe...haha
adaptable : yeah can manage to survive even in jungle/desert i think (i should try that!)
not easily offended : haha unfortunately not. am easily offended just that I dont give a shit abt it
messy, carefree : YEAH! who wants to waste time to tidy up ur room when u can hv fun outside!
dangerous : i'm not lion
fearless, careless : YEAH
emotionally stable : oops no. I'm super moody
spontaneous, improviser : yeah. no plan always works better!
always joking, player : hmmm...not sure
wild and crazy, dominant : hmm...sometimes? depends with whom
acts without thinking : yeah, most of the time..and have to reap the consequences lolz
not into organized religion : no. i'm moslem :D and i believe it's organized..
pro-weed legalization : i dont care



ENFP - Extraverted iNtuitive Feeling Perceiving

outgoing, social : sometime
disorganized : most of the time
easily talked into doing silly things : sometime, depends on mood
spontaneous, wild and crazy, acts without thinking : YEAH
good at getting people to have fun : sometime
pleasure seeking : YEAH, who doesnt?
irresponsible : yeah sometime/
physically affectionate : ??
risk taker, thrill seeker : YEAH
likely to have or want a tattoo: NO
adventurous : YEAH
unprepared : sometimes, dpends on degree of importance
attention seeking, hyperactive : sometimes
irrational : no...i'm quite rational i think
loves crowds : depends on mood
rule breaker, prone to losing things: YEAH...like totally
seductive : err
easily distracted, open, revealing : No. I'm super focused, and kinda closed i guess
comfortable in unfamiliar situations : yeah, see above
attracted to strange things: yeah see above
non punctual : YEAH...which indo is punctual?
likes to stand out, likes to try new things : YEAH. 2nd thing I hate : ordinariness.
fun seeker, unconventional : yeah
energetic, impulsive, empathetic : totally!
dangerous, loving : u cant combine this tgether (lazy to hit the enter button)
attachment prone, prone to fantasy : hmm


ENFP - Extraverted iNtuitive Feeling Perceiving

content : what the hell is this
emotionally stable : no
outgoing, social, group oriented : depends on mood
finisher : yeah like totally! i cant leave things uncompleted
does not like to be alone : come on, who does?
open : no.
decisive : yeah. see fnisher.
likes external praise, likes to be center of attention : yeah, who doesnt?
frequently joking, adjusts easily : depends on mood
likes crowds : dpends on mood
self confident : yeah. u're not gonna make it in life if u dont believe in urself, idiot.
neutral moods : NO! I am super moody!
good at getting people to have fun: sometimes. just realize that i'm good at getting ppl into some unexpected events in a seemingly normal situation, which they like :D
disorganized, messy : TOTALLY
talented at presentation, : no. unfortunately :(
not easily annoyed : see above
does not like to be alone : who does?
enjoys crude jokes : sometime
likes to lead : like to be in control maybe, not lead
likes sports : yeah
more likely to come off as masculine : haha ironically a big yes..
risk taker : yeah
tends to dominate conversations :dpends on the other persons
fearless : sometimes
can handle criticism : yeah
hard to discourage : yeah. once i want sth..hard to stop haha

E and P seems always there. But I'm not sure abt the E though. Yeah I love meeting people because they're not boring and always bring me something new. But sometimes I prefer to take a walk in my own. Depends on mood like I always said.

P yeah..kinda not sure what it means though.

N and T comes 2 out of 3. N=intuition. Yeah, I really act based on my intuition.
T : thinking, sometimes......but truthfully I'm more a rational person rather than a person who act based on feeling (feeling here != intuition...feeling here is more like they always think about others first, try not to offend them).

So the conclusion, I'm still confused with my self lolz.

1. Where were you 3 hours ago?
at work
2. Who are you in love with?
someone
3. Have you ever eaten a crayon?
no
4. Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you?
dunno and dont care
5. When is the last time you went to the mall?
last sunday, just pass by when it's still closed, if u meant shopping then when i was in paris.
6. Are you wearing socks right now?
yes
7. Do you have a car worth over $2,000?
dont hv car
8. When was the last time you drove out of town?
cant drive. out of town last week for ski
9. Have you been to the movies in the last 5 days?
yes. clahs of titans!
10. Are you hot?
i am keren.
11. What was the last thing you had to drink?
water
12. What are you wearing right now?
jeans+shirt (doh, engineers clothes..prefer suit much more haha)
13. Do you wash your car or let the car wash do it?
dont hv car
14. Last food that you ate?
a ready-made frozen food...dont know the menu's name
15. Where were you last week at this time?
work..its monday
16. Have you bought any clothing items in the last week?
no. i lost my shopping appetite here (stockholm)
17. When is the last time you ran?
last night. half running back home
18. What's the last sporting event you watched?
live : ice hockey match in january lolz
19. What is your favorite animal?
eagle!
20. Your dream vacation?
Ibiza parties + beaches
21. Last person's house you were in?
Jan's place in Bergen 2 wks ago
22. Worst injury you've ever had?
dunno
23. Have you been in love?
yes
24. Do you miss anyone right now?
yes
25. Last play you saw?
dont remember
26. What is your secret weapon to lure in the opposite sex?
listening
27. What are your plans for tonight?
lecture T_T
28. Who is the last person you sent a MySpace message or comment?
dont hve
29. Next trip you are going to take?
Rome. If it's not canceled bcause of stupid ash
30. Ever go to camp?
yeah, startup camp yesterday
31. Were you an honor roll student in school?
yeah, long time ago
32. What do you want to know about the future?
stock mkt trend (haha sorry, still influenced by traderstrophy 2 days ago)
33. Are you wearing any perfume or cologne?
no
34. Are you due sometime this year for a doctor's visit?
no
35. Where is your best friend?
sg+indo
36. How is your best friend?
theyr fine, thank u.
37. Do you have a tan?
no. 3 hours sunlight can help
38. What are you listening to right now?
nothing
39. Do you collect anything?
poker cards!
40. Who is the biggest gossiper you know?
mama lawer
41. Last time you got stopped by a cop or pulled over?
in a mall in jakarta, my friend forgot to bring driving license
42. Have you ever drank your soda from a straw?
yes, why not?
43. What does your last text message say?
i'm online
44. Do you like hot sauce?
yes
45. Last time you took a shower?
this morning.
46. Do you need to do laundry?
yeah and i really hate it!
47. What is your heritage?
keren family
48. Are you someone's best friend?
hopefuly
49. Are you rich?
soon to be. amin.
50. What were you doing at 12AM last night?
get high after camp

Summary of what I've done during the Great Easter Trip!

Bergamo :
-arrive at 12am
-sleep at airport (on the floor!)
-took train to Venice via Brescia

Brescia :
-walk around for 1.5hours in brescia
-found credit suisse office here (doh) haha
-continue train journey to venice

Venice :
-after 3-hour train journey, arrive at venice
-walk around venice, still carrying my whole backpack there
-took the vaporetto to get around venice
-visited St.marco cathedral, went to the museum and roof
-visited grand canal and that famous rialto
-1 hour bfore my train to milan, took vaporetto to a quite far island of venice, almost missed my train but luckily get back on time
-took a lot of great pictures in venice! lovely city!

Milan :
-meet up with Sandro, was brought to dinner to one of the posh area in Milan, Brera. nice tiramisu!
-networked with 4 Bocconians (2 alumni and 2 finance and marketing undergraduate), 1 NUS alumni (can u believe i met her in Milan?!), 1 trader. Haha good networking experience
-club at Milan. yeah baby, my first clubbing experience in europe was in milan, capital of nightlife haha! went to Just Cavalli, supposedly the most famous club in Milan (at least it's at travel guide book everywhere)
-didnt sleep at all that night
-plan to catch a train to go skydiving but was late. dont want to catch the next train as it's quite late
-continue sleeping until 2pm
-went to duomo! it's a perfect day that day with sun and 24 degree! love milan!
-went to castle
-stroll around milan city centre
-dinner at chinese restaurant with the guys
-learn insights abt doing business in Italy, esp private equity from Sandro. learnt a lot from him :D
-shop at Milan's Orchard Road (forgot the name of the street, was it Venice?), bought nice bags and sandals at Zara for EUR6.9 bcause the cashier gave me wrong change....where it's supposed to be EUR36.9
-took a bus tour around milan bcause my feet could no longer bear the pain T_T
-go to bergamo 5 hours bfore my flight to paris

Bergamo :
-took a short bus trip to Bergamo city centre and top hill. Nice view. Should spend more time there next time I visit it again (soon)
-fly to Paris

Paris :
-arrive at midnight, a bit scared in the metro because a lot of black people and it's midniht
-couldnt use the metro ticket so at the end i just jump over the gate to enter the station
-first day take a bus tour around paris. pass thru trocadero, eiffel tower, champs elysses, invalides, arc d triomphe and many other touristic sites. planned to go up eiffel tower but too crowded so decided to give it a pass that day.
-went to la defense, the modern part of paris.
-watch movies (shutter island) at la defense
-go to bar near Pantheon to meet up with Magali's friend = Gauthier and Chloe
-climb up the stairs of eiffel tower (i bought the wrong ticket which does not include elevator..so must use STAIRS to climb...oh my feet)
-had nice lunch with view at eiffel tower (cost me damn EUR20.5)..but anyway...
-went to Louvre, spend some hours there, disappointed with small Monalisa, I expected it to be much larger
-went along the Seine banks, so nice!
-went to Montmarte, almost cried T_T cause remember of one movie
-took random bus to get around Paris
-went to Versailles, successfully sneak in without paying hahaha but it was raining outside so didnt go to the park T_T
-went clubbing at Mix Club, Mont Parnasse. Seriously Paris club lives up to its name!! Had a lot of fun there! Magali, Chloe and Jennie totally rocked my night!
-went back from club at 3am, must walk to go back to where I stayed (which is near Eiffel tower)...so I went to eiffel tower at 3am hahaha, Paris at night quite scary though, not a lot of people..
-the last day, have dinner with Yejin and her friends at French bar, eat cheese (yes CHEESE) for dinner...arghh..and it's quite expensive
-took the first train to go to Beauvais airport to catch my flight to Oslo

Oslo :
-met up with Sara and Mbak Yuli, Mbak Yuli brought us around Oslo
-visit the famous garden (forgot its name) where there are a lot of nude sculptures
-visit the ski place, didnt ski though
-had dinner at mbak yuli's place! Indo food at last! after like 4 months!
-prepare for our most adventurous trip to Bergen
-took night bus to Sogndal

Sogndal :
-Sogndal is a small city near to Sognefjord. the reason I went there is to see the norway fjords! but that town is totally closed because of easter! nothing is opened, no one is around seriously!
-arrive at 5am, freezing...took a shelter at a hotel lobby
-brush teeth and wash face at deserted public toilet near the ports
-walk around the city only to figure out that NO ONE is around (until like 10am)
-back to our camp (a waiting room near the port) to have snack and prepare for hitchhike
-hitchhike to Balestrand (another small town near Fjord)...this is amazing, at first we thought that we gonna need at least an hour to get hitchhiked but it turned out we only need 5 mins...it's like the 5th car that we tried and they stopped! so lucky! we havent even stopped laughing (because hitchhiking is quite embarassing, everyone look at you, pointing at you, without stopping their cars haha, but it's so fun! we laugh bact at them hahaha). We hitchhiked the car of a Norwegian couple Leif and Katherine, apparently Leif is an artist who sells paintings about the Fjord to tourist. They're very nice! So lucky

Balestrand :
-enjoy the great view of Sognefjord! Seriously Norway Fjord is amazing!!
-walked around the small town to port
-need to wait around 3 hours for the ferry to bergen but NOTHING is open and it's freezing outside! We took a shelter, sitting in front of closed grocery shop on the floor with newspaper, just like homeless people.
-2 american backpackers (Evans and Patrick) came over, apparently they were also waiting for the ferry. yeah made new friends again :D
-took the ferry to Bergen! The view from the ferry is amazing!!! I really love Norway fjords! But everyone says it'll be more beautiful during summer,damn it!!

Bergen :
-arrive at bergen, had dinner, met up with Jan, sleep
-Jan brought us to see around Bergen, small but a lovely city
-visited small viking church and Bryggen, one of UNESCO world heritage sites
-hiked one mountain in Bergen, great view from the top!
-go home to Stockholm T_T

This trip is really a great experience for me. Other than visiting new places, I also met a lot of new people and had great time with them. In total visited 9 places (yeah some only for a few hours) and met around 30 new people I guess. Spend quite much though...around 7000sek incuding everything..but anyway, this is much better rather than sitting in front of the computer in the office..

Ah...cant wait for my next trip to Rome in May (but it's only for 4 days)

i'm at mcdonald louvre museum, paris now. I'm so tired today. Been walking a lot, my feet are at their limit, so since i found wireless i decided to blog abt my travel so far.

Venice was great! Every corner of the city deserve a picture. And the weather are great when i was there. Will be much better if i didnt go there alone...

Milan was beyond my expectation. First nite there,, sandro brought me to meet his friends, some guys from uni of bocconi, es that bocconi and an NUS alumni?' gaha, cant believe i can still meet nus gals even in milan. Aftr that we go club at the most popular club in town, just cavalli, owned by THAT cavalli. That nite i didnt sleep at all. Damn tired but it was super fun haha. Networked a lot at least.

Next da i went alone to go arnd milan. Seriously, milan is not so good for tourist, thee's not much thing to see there except duomo haha. But milan was unforgettable coz sandro told me a lot of thing abt business in italy, and some insight abt life as a private eqt analyst. Learnt a lot!

Now i'm in paris. Been wandering arnd the city as well. Still got a lot things i havent visited. Hopefully can cover it all bfore i head to oslo

i still have 2 hours to go bfore my flight, so i think i should do smth. I checkd all my emails, fb, twitter etc and i got bored, so yeah, maybe blogging a good choice.

I'll write abt ryanair i think, haha not a so good topic but i dunno what else i could blog abt. Ryanair is a very popular budget airline in europe. their flight is damn cheap...yeah maybe not during weekend and holiday but wel...For example my 3 tix cost me arnd 100eur, a pretty good price for peak season like this .

Hmm. Blogging using my handphone is not so good...cnt see the fulls screen, but nyway..

Im still 2 hours away from my flight...wondering why i arrive soe earley zzz. Bttw, i juz boiught a pretty good travel guide book of europe. My mission is, by the end of this yr, i must have visited at least 75% of countries listed there haha. First trip gonna be italy, france and norway.

I juz realize that im gonna visit italy at least 3 times, one is now, 2nd is for atp rome nt month and for my summer sch in july hahaa. I think i'm really attracted to exotic south europe such as italy and spain...hua wanna go spain soon!

Haha, come to think of it, maybe for the nxt 1 yr this blog gonna transform to a travel blog lol..

What should i do now...still got 2 hours, still... Hahah it's very annoying to get bored like this. Actually i have the guide book in front of me now, but too lazy to read, maybe later at the plane

Its getting dark here. And theres a good looking waitress at where i'm eating now. Yeah, i'm wondering why all waitress here are good looking. Even at mcdonalds...not fair haha? Back in sg wee got aunty2@ mcd but here got pretty blond guy/gals.

And i miss starbux... Last reading week i almost go orchard strbux everydaay ti study, well yeah, waste of money but i really cant stand the nus environment any longer at that time. I need fresh air and new enviro, so yeah orchard will be the most convenient. If there's not that 1 shitty programming module, i'll be able to pull up my cap. Wtf. I really hate programming, it's like what the hell should i learn programming. I'm very sure i dont want to do it in the future. No way. Say no to programming!

But yeah, i just realiz that in this yr, i think starting from my last summer, i changed a lot. I now know what i wanna do in the future. I sstill remember clearly when suang ask me what is my future plan and i said i didnt know, when we were in first yr...even in my 2nd yr i still dunno..i thought it gonna be enuf if i just do well on my study, i eventually found it. But its not enuf of cors...although its qt late, but i fgure out what i wanna do, what is my strenght and all. I now understand more of myself ever than bfore, whic is a good thing.

One friend once said that ppl nowadays are too focused on actions that they stopped thinking. . It's true for my case...bfore i was too focused on having fun and htackling challenge that i nvr take time to instrospect myself.

Thanks to slack semester last autumn, and hours of htht with ivone and suang, i bcome more aware of my surroundings, incl myself. U can say that i bcome more mature, no? Well, at least i bcome more sensible on consequences of my actions...and human relationship. Bfore that i nvr really think abt it. I alwys take relattionship for granted, maybe bcoz i always had good friends, normal friends who have straight lives since i was child...

After i go abroad, esp here, i met a lot of interesting ppl whose life are totally different from mine. Which made me realize that there are really a LOT of ways to live ur life, not always to bcome the best of all, not always to achieve sth.

But thats how i grew up. I get bored so easily and i always need challenge to stimulate me. I live on challenges. If there's no challenge i'll be damn bored and not feeling, u know, alive, like what i'm feeling right now T_T...

Hopefully this trip could bring back my energy. Thats why i didnt choos easy trip (fly, sleep at
hotel, sightseeing), but i choose to sleep at airport, get to know the local ppl and all. Meeting new ppl always excites me really. They're so different and there's always sth to learn from how they live their life...

I love being in europe in that sense. The ppl here are so different..lets see how italian and french and norwegian bhave haha..

Still 1 hour plus to my flight, sigh, but i think i've written enuf

I just feel that I don't really make the full use of my NOC opportunity here. Other than working and taking classes, I don't really do anything else. Well yeah, I did go to some networking events and all that, but don't feeling like I have accomplished something. There's no visible result so far..

I hate it because it makes me feel so useless. But there's nothing much I can do really, not a lot of things going on here in Stockholm (like competitions, events and all that), everything takes place in the damn Silicon Valley. And even if there's some interesting events going on, it'll be in Swedish! Hate it hate it!

Need more opportunities to try my luck once more and prove I can achieve something.

*and seeing my friends' facebook in SV/BV really made me envious T_T

I made some changes to my itinerary for Easter...

On 27 Mar I'm gonna have a day trip to Venice. Yeah Venice! Took a 2-hr train from Bergamo to Venice, then Venice to Milan in the afternoon. This gonna be fun yeah!
And from Oslo I'll not heading back directly to Stockholm, but instead going to...Bergen! I'm so tempted with the Fjords that I cant help it! Me and Sara would take bus from Oslo to Sogndal, see the fjords there and take the ferry to Bergen. This gonna be awesome. Amin!


Now planning my itinerary in Paris. I'm gonna spend 4 days there but I still dunno what I'm gonna do. Well, first day confirm go to Disneyland, second day doing tourisy stuff, third day maybe have a short trip to Versailles. Let's see!


Yeah baby yeah. I'm super excited now! Less than a week I'm gonna start this adventure. Better be prepared.

Btw, I plan to visit 8 UNESCO World Heritage List below:
1. Venice (the whole city is apparently on the list)
2. St.Maria delle Grazie + Last Supper, Milan
3. Versailles, Paris
4. Notre Dame, Paris
5. Palace of Fontaine Bleau, South Paris
6. Bank of Seine, Paris
7. Naeroyfjord, Norway
8. Bryggen, Bergen

My mission : 5 city, 8 UNESCO World Heritage Sites, 10 days

I dont know whether it's good or bad. But lately I never thought about him anymore. Guess I start to forget him?

It takes a minute to have a crush on someone,
an hour to like someone, and an day to love someone...
but it takes a lifetime to forget someone.

This quote, I don't know whether it's true. For me, yeah it takes a very short time to crush on someone (matter of days). But it's not true that it takes only a day to love someone. I took months or even years before I realize...And it's not true that it takes forever to forget someone, because, luckily I started to forget him, and prepare for the next stage of my life.

Yeah, I own back my life now...(should I be happy?)

Yeah, I booked all tickets for my Easter trip. It's the first trip I'm gonna do mini backpacking.
So here goes my itinerary :

26 Mar : fly to Bergamo, Milan
I'll arrive at 12am and I realize it'll be quite disturbing if I come to my host's house, Sandro Diazzi, at that time. So I'm still contemplating whether I should stayover at Bergamo airport or just take night train to Milan and go to his place. Hmm...after all staying over at airport would be adventure in itself, but it's quite dangerous (same goes with taking night train to Milan. I heard that Milan train station is not so safe at night, so yeah, let's see)

27 Mar : tour around Milan
I'm not sure what I'm gonna do in Milan on Saturday. Maybe doing some tourisy stuff like visiting Duomo, some museums, Milan stock exchange. Hopefully could go clubbing at night. Well, Milan is also famous for its nightlife other than its fashion :D

28 Mar : Skydive
I planned to go skydiving with Ramesh on Sunday at Casale Monferrato. Hopefully we can make it. I'm really looking forward to my first skydiving experience!
I'm not sure what I'm gonna do after Skydive, but I have 2 options : going back to Milan and watch ACMilan vs Lazio live at San Siro stadium or just touring the Casale city.

29 Mar : tour around Milan, flight to Paris
Last day at Milan. Not sure what I'll be doing. Maybe do some window shopping and visit some other popular spots
Fly to Paris at night. Arrive around 10pm, going to my Paris host's place, Magali Barot, to sleep and prepare for exciting Parisian tour the next day!

30 Mar : Disneyland Paris
I want to go to Disneyland as soon as possible to avoid the Easter crowd. So yeah. Hopefully I could enjoy it! Maybe going for a coffee or drink at night with Magali

31 Mar : tour around city
Doing some tourisy stuff again : Eiffel, Louvre, Notredam, Arc d Triomphe, La Defense
Move to Yejin's place at night :D

1 Apr : tour around city
David told me that you won't get enough Paris even for one week. So yeah I'll do another round of tourisy stuff. Versailles Palace, Paris stock exchange and other museums. Club at night?

2 Apr : tour around city
See above. another round of Paris touring!

3 Apr : fly to Oslo. Oslo city-tour!
Say goodbye to Paris. Catch flight to Oslo.
I haven't found my host yet in Oslo. worst case I need to sleep at hostel, but it's only 1 night after all, shouldn't be that expensive. So yeah, let's see.

4 Apr : another Oslo city tour. night train back to Stockholm
One day confirm not enough for touring a city. So here I am, another round of Oslo touring.
At night I'll be taking train back to Stockholm

5 Apr : an off day.
After traveling the whole week. I'm sure I must be very tired so I reserve a total day off before going back to work the next day.

Hopefully this trip will be very memorable and I could meet a lot of people along the way.

*refer to my latest post (just after this post)

One week can change everything.

One week ago I felt so useless being here. Not being productive and all.

But 2 strangers came to my rescue. They are couchsurfers who surf at my place. David, a Mexican-American came on Sunday-Tuesday while Yoko, a Japanese came Friday-Sunday.

My last week had been meaningful for me. I mentioned that I miss heart-to-heart and philosophical sharing session with Suang and Ivone, well I got it from them, 2 strangers who just happened to come to my place.

David shared a lot of things about his life to me. His own unique way to live life freely. It was very interesting, and inspiring. With Yoko it's me who talk how I live my life and how I ended up in this state now haha

They were good. and they opened my eyes that opportunity for learning is everywhere. Europe is indeed a very good place to learn (and travel)

I am scared.

What the hell I'm doing here in Stockholm? Everyday just do work and do technical stuff, and go to lecture learn technical stuff. Get restrained by the super strict program coordinator. Not going to any useful events.

While my friend back in Singapore got 7+ interviews for summer! Goldman Sachs, JP Morgan, RBS, Bain&Co, Accenture to name a few. They're top firms you know.

And what the hell I'm doing here. Play skating every week. Talking about nonsense every lunch.

I am scared. I don't like losing out to my peers...

The adolescence that I'm talking about here is more about the searching for identity, that is. Well, I think I just began to grow up mentally last summer, when I interned at CS. Seriously, that simple internship changed my life forever. I started to learn about the importance of many intangible values like trust, friendship, leadership and all that. Previously I heck care about all those things, you know, I only care about fun and interesting things that would keep me out of boredom. I hate philosophy back then, after all I've been always an action-oriented person so I don't really want to 'think' to deep.

But really, from then on I enjoy human interaction and sharing session more than anything. I'd love to have a cup of coffee or dinner with someone and try to 'dig up' their experiences and thoughts. I became more sensible to my surroundings. Well yeah, I'm still selfish but I am no longer ignorant.

Yeah, up until now I'm still searching for my true self. Well, searching is not a right word...perhaps 'forming'? My true self if not out there, it's something that I must create myself.

Anyway, I just meet this stranger, a Mexican who's stayed at Texas but now teaching in Slovakia. He's very interesting and only in 3 days I learnt a lot from him. Well I told you, I receive knowledge more easily from the people who is enthusiastic about what they talked about (like American and Indian). His experience itself taught me that there are various things to live your life meaningfully. Everything is not about money and power. He used to think that way, he was business student after all. But well yeah, I don't know the real reason but he ditched all of that and became an English teacher at Slovakia.

Go the road less traveled or so people say. It's hard for a very business-minded and capitalist like me to think that the other way of life worth living. I'm very used to talk about everything in term of money, if not power and influence. Well, if you read Forbes often, you have no choice but to wonder how the people make it to the list and you started having ambition to be there as well someday...

But yeah, I guess my mind has changed a bit, thanks to his conspiracy theories and all that. I wish I could take another gap year to really go the road less traveled, before I really choose which way I wanna go

There is this most irritating person that I've ever dealt with. Well let's say he's called A. A is a super structured person, everything must be organized, must be well-planned, must be well-thought etc. And very strict as well.

What's most irritating is that he tried to impose his thought process and behaviour to everybody around him. He tried to create rules, even ridiculous ones, hardly allow creativity and impulsive behaviour to happen. Even tried to tell us how and where to walk. Wtf. We're not kindergarten children hellooo?

And he always stick to his initial assumption, about his perception of a person even though he knows nothing about the rationale behind.

I just cant follow his thought of process, really, from the start until now. I am a really impulsive person. I change plan and adapt along the way. Anything that I feel and want at one point of time, I'll do it right away and I expect to get the results instantly. And of course, more than often, I have my own way to get things done, which is not through what he perceived as "normal" way. It's not that I'm not respecting you or something, but me and you cant really get along well because we are so different right from the start. I was raised in a family who literally give me freedom to do whatever I want, and truthfully, more often than not, I get what I want, partly because I'm damn stubborn.

I don't know how you were raised, because our age differences are so huge, but I assume that it must be quite structured and full of rules/plan/schedules etc? Maybe at some point of time in your life you felt so restrained about your own environment and plan to get revenge in the future, thus try to apply the same thing to us now.

If I were your daughter, I think now I wouldn't be in Stockholm, rather I'll be in Jakarta, reading medical book on weekends, studying medicine. Having no social life like you.

But seriously I can't live in that kind of world. I feel restrained. I can't truly maximize my, what you called, 'talent' if you ALWAYS try to get in my way! Seriously get the hell out of my way! Let me do whatever I want. I am mature. I know what consequences I'll get for an action. And even if it's bad consequences, I'm the one who'll get it anyway and it won't affect you and your dear reputation at all. So just stay away from my business.

You know what? You're really worth nothing in my life and soon as this is over, I seriously dont want to have any kind of business/interaction etc with you. During that short period of time, when you feel like you were helping/guiding me, you actually bring me more troubles with all those stupid rules/guidelines. I'd rather try and experience things myself rather than receiving stupid and too careful suggestion.

It's very unfortunate that I have to deal with him in a frequent basis, though not everyday (thankfully or I'd rather go some other countries).

I'll post this on my blog. Don't care if you happen to read it. I am as free spirited as I was before, no one can change that, even after you bring some little troubles in my life.

Haha I still have 2-2.5 years before my graduation, but I'll put wishlist here so that I could remember what I wanna achieve. Some are serious, some are just for fun (the list are randomly ordered)

1. Master some basic ice hockey technique and show them off at Sky Rink. You know, some basic stuff like cross-over, fast break and go backward. I've got my new Bauer Vapor and I wanna learn much moree hockey techniques

2. Find a career mentor. I seriously and desperately need a mentor! One that could guide me to be successful, preferably someone like Gita Wirjawan or Sandiago Uno (haha dreaming). Or at least someone who is experienced in the field that I'm interested in.

3. Make tons tons tons of contacts from everywhere.

4. Be involved in real M&A transaction(well, I've been an analyst for a sell-side acquisition before, but would like to know more about the nitty gritty of the deal itself, not just some financial modeling).

5. To achieve no.4, that means I must get internship related to finance (read: investment banking or private equity, no back-office/middle-office, even sales and trading is not included)

6. Found my own club in NUS. Get the idea after attending CinemaPolitica film screening in Stockholm. It's an organization that support freedom of speech and human right. Not really my thing, but could be fun as well :D

7. Interning at Papa's office. I'd like to know more about how he founded, run and maintain the business. Would like to also explore other opportunities to expand it. Hopefully like Wiwi, my sister, said, we could create a big empire in second generation. Amin. :D

8. Find good candidate for marriage haha

9. Find good partner in business with charisma and wide networks.

10. Do something charitable in Indonesia remote village and/or Africa, feels like simple life could be beneficial for mental growth sometimes. Will be good learning experience.

11. Visit Wall Street and New York

12. Try some classic painting class haha

OK, will update this list later when I got inspiration

I don't know why I became melancholic like this.
But please don't forget me even if I'm far away, I'll be back.
Because I won't forget you....I tried but I couldn't.

It's been my 3rd week here in Stockholm, and my 2ndweek working at InView AB, a multimedia startup company. Unlike my expectation of NOC, life's been so slack these days. Basically go to work, go lecture sometimes, go home. Slack in the sense that I havent been required to work overnight (which I did a lot during my last summer interning @CS, coupled with 3 running CCAs).

Honestly, I dont really enjoy the situation. I prefer to get myself busy all the time because that way I feel I learn and do a lot. Here in Stockholm, I havent felt the same excitement as I had when meeting CS directors or even when I had sharing session with Suang and Ivone. Strange. I'm just scared that in no time I'll be used to this kind of slack life and lose my strive. Lose my passion to learn. Lose my motivation to excel. I. need. stimulation. and I'm being dead serious here.

After coming here, I've thought a lot that NCST doesnt suit me, as in the environment and culture here.

1. Typical swedes (or ppl say so) is relax, soft-spoken and you know, calm? whereas I kinda need people like Obama (who speaks with emotion + charismatic) to make me really listen to what they have to say. If like they're too soft spoken, Ill feel that they're not being passionate enough with what they are saying. I once read some articles that Swedes salesmen are scared of their customer? (read somewhere in ppl's blog)...hmm...I need people with more motivation to talk here...

2. Sweden is research and technology based country. Truth is, it is so NOT me (at least until now). I dont care about any technology or research being done/published/whatsoever as long as they sell welll and make money. Seriously, I think this is considered wrong in the popular belief, but whatever, it's what I believe in. Many startups here are spin off from research product (as in they invented a product and then try to sell it, not the other way around. I find that's not a so good strategy...I'll wish to have a market demand bfore I enter, even if it's not innovative at all I dont care. Seriously, why being innovative but cant sell?) All money and all must have a return.

3. They believe in equality (aka socialist), which is again "good". I have a very capitalist view on my mind. Again I dont care about what other people have to say, it's just the real me and even myself cant force my mind to think other way. I dont believe that every people should live at same living standard and feed by government. I dont believe in economic equality. What I believe is whoever works hard will eventually get the return. Why you work so hard if eventually you'll get the same result as the rest? That was bullshit. I dont like being the same with others, I enjoy being unique, I enjoy being exclusive and I wanna enjoy what I've been working hard for.

And I cant stop wondering why they pay such higher tax! around 50%. I'm working my ass off just to give my half salary to government each month, ridiculous. I'm glad I'm Indonesian, at least I'm working for myself.

4. People here are too environmentally friendly. Again, this is not me. I prefer practicality over environment. I dont want to classify my trash before throwing them, I wish waitress clean my table and I want my heater to be turned on the whole day. So what if it's not environmentally friendly?

5. I enjoy busy and fulfilling life more than relaxed and balanced life. I'll prefer working at IB until 3am if I'm learning there rather than working for ministry office and facebooking all day.

6. I prefer to work at business district with skycraper building. I mean now I'm working at university building, sometimes it feels like not going to work but for class. (nb. and i do really enjoy dressing up as business woman)

I really feel being a trapped wolf among all the sheeps haha. I mean, if you read my post I'm like the evil (I'm result-oriented, capitalist and not so environmentally friendly, err...but I really DO care about world poverty, dun ask me why, I just care).

I dont mean to insult the Swedes or what. They're really nice people seriously, very friendly, sometimes too friendly. The problem is that I'm not that nice. And I dont apply for NOC to become nice person.